He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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