they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
