Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
