so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
