So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
