i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
