best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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