with your own penis?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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