My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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