it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
