We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
