It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
