my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
