He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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