You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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