I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
