This is not my ceiling
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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