Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i've created a new STD.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
