her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
