In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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