the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
