For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
