I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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