Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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