how can u be prego again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
