I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
