THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
