i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
