the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
