Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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