so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
