She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
