I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
