Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
