pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
