He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
