Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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