apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
