You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
