ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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