i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
