Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
