i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
