In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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