we have officially lost it.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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