Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
