RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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