If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
