After last night, I could never be a politician.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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