May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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