i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
