Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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