She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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