guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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