i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
